Mistress of Hobbies

She is the Mistress of Hobbies.

Todays hobby is cutting the hair of Antonio Conte. For this hobby you will need a pair of scissors, a flask of weak lemon drink and a seat behind the dugout at Stamford Bridge.

Take your seat at the start of the game, you can drink your weak lemon drink now or wait until half-time. You need to wait for the 11 seconds in the match where Antonio Conte is not leaping up and down on the touchline. when he is sitting still you lean forward and cut his hair into a short pretty style, something suitable for a man who will be interviewed by Geoff Shreeves later.

When you have cut his hair you put it into an envelope and post it to Arsene Wenger who will deny ever seeing it.

She is the Mistress of Hobbies

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