Nine Men Major

A knock, Watson opens the door and Mrs Hudson hands him an envelope. Written on it is “For the attention of Sherlock Holmes – Consulting Detective”.

Languidly “What’s that Watson”

“A note Holmes”

“Well yes I can see that, hand it here”

Watson hands the note over. Sherlock Holmes examines it closely, before slitting it open and extracting the note. He examines it and smiles. “Tell me Watson what do you see”

“Well it is a page torn from a notebook”

“Yes, and what of the message”

Watson looks again at the note, all that is on it is a series of nine dots arranged in three rows – 5-2-2, with a line between the 2 and the 5 and a line after the 5.

“Could it be the Chelsea formation after Costa was sent off at the weekend”

“No Watson, turn it up the other way it is not 5-2-2 it is 2-2-5. Let me explain to you what we have here. First the envelope, the writing is unsteady as though the pen were slippery in someway, perhaps with fat or grease. Next there is a faint aroma of sausages and we know that Mrs Hudson prepared us kippers for our breakfast this morning and she is fastidious with her cleaning regime, so the smell can only have come from the note.”

“Extraordinary Holmes”

“Next the smudges of grease on the note, possibly the same grease that that caused the pen to slip. All together it can mean only one thing”

“What Holmes, what can it mean?”

Holmes sighs, “The Major has decided to send me daily reports of his sausage consumption. I surmise that he had 2 Half Collins in the morning, each with 2 sausages, followed by 5 more at lunchtime. No doubt served to him in some louche sausage den down by the docks”

“But why would he do this?”

“Who knows, who really knows, the Porklord moves in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform”



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