Remote Control

Worrying developments in the world of stuff.

Earlier this week the Lieutenant Colonel went to have an ugly lump removed from his neck. The theory was put forward that he was growing a second head as his immense brainpower could not be contained within a single brain. When he returned there was concern that the wrong ugly lump had been removed.

These concerns were exacerbated when on a trip to Britain’s leading tax dodging chicken emporium he was seen to eat garlic bread and hummus with peri-peri drizzle. The old Lieutenant Colonel would never have let such foreign muck pass his British lips.

Last night some clarity was achieved when I received a cryptic message from the famed Yorkshire rapper and now agent for THRUSH ‘e MC Hogghammer.

He suggested that maybe the Lieutenant Colonel had been implanted with a chip that was controlling his actions.

This seems all too plausible. In light of the fact the this strange new behaviour first manifested in Tax Free Chicken Shack, I believe the man responsible can only be ‘e MC Snoop Hoggy Hogg.

Why he feels the need spy on us is unknown, but his history suggests it cannot be for anything other than evil.

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